Boundaries

choosingchange works with you on a systems based theory to help you establish effective ways of relating. Boundaries are one of the most important aspects of this system.

Boundaries and how we utilise them inform our sense of self our sense of being, belonging, where-I-end-and-you-begin. They help us make sense of the the world and where we fit in.

Our connections with each other are determined by the boundaries we set between us: how independent we are, how closely we rely on "others" for our sense of self.

Just as we don't like people taking over our land, letting trees overhang our property and cause shade or dropping leaves, we also don't like people doing that to our sense of being or sense of place/space.

Imposing our ideas or presence on someone else often causes anger and frustration... often without both people knowing why... just sense of encroachment.

You determine your existence...

Clearly asking for what you want is the core to healthy boundaries. This sets you up for healthy relationships. Being able to determine what you want and what you don't want is the key to setting your personal boundaries in your relationships.

When the other person is clear what the consequences are if you do not get what we are asking for, they have the choice to agree or... negotiate. Try to be willing to continuously negotiate for the things you want, the behaviour you expect from our friends, lover and colleagues.

Allowing ourselves to determine how we are treated is essential for us to be less dependant on other people's will. What happens if people continue to treat you badly

we don't always get what we want...

You have the choice to renegotiate, leave ( the relationships, job, restaurant, flat...), but the important point here is that you choose... you may not end up with exactly what you want but my guess is you will be happier having made your own decision —

I choose to stay in this job, even though I don't get the money I think I deserve, my boss doesn't respect me, I am not happy on a daily basis... but it is my decision and now I go home at the end of the day knowing it is always my choice to continue. I can not blame my boss or my lack of education for keeping me there and I am thinking about positive ways to make changes... changes of my own volition.