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choosingchange — Counselling Sydney CBD

Gay and Lesbian Counselling...

While all adolescents are facing developmental issues, same-sex oriented youth must negotiate all the "normal" trials of growing up along with family, societal, and peer disapproval... sometimes violence and outright discrimination..

Counselling gay and lesbian individuals and couples sometimes requires specialised information and experience. While all adolescents are facing developmental issues, homosexually oriented youth must negotiate all the "normal" trials of growing up along with family, societal, and peer disapproval... sometimes violence and outright discrimination.

Anyone questioning their sexuality require careful counselling from counsellors who are experienced. Counsellors must have come to terms with their own feelings and reactions to homosexuality, have processes to enact when talking with people having these issues and have the skills to deal with clients who are facing ridicule, contempt and prejudice from their peer groups and families.

... coming out ... being out ...

Counselling gay and lesbian people of all ages requires tact, deep understanding and a clear picture of politico-societal influences affecting this minority group.
This does not mean the counsellor has to be homosexual, but sometimes it helps. The degree of self-loathing and internalised homophobia homosexually oriented people often deal with on a daily basis sometimes means anyone helping them must be fully aware of this.

The way we use language, the words we use and the meanings we give to those words all influence how we are in the world. When a gay or lesbian person is asked if they are getting married the internal response is often one of despair. This feeling is played out in so many ways — difficulty forming and keeping relationships, lack of career goal, work relationships poor, cutting off from family and friends, moving houses and cities because of this cut-off. The current climate of antagonism toward gay and lesbian marriage (as espoused by our Prime Minister, John Howard, for instance, see below) tells anyone who is thinking of setting up a family with a partner of the same sex will never be able to enjoy the privileges and esteem granted heterosexual people doing exactly the same thing.

This is one issue that weighs heavily on people whose sexuality is oriented to members of the same sex. Imagine being told you most intimate relationship is not worthy of societal approval. Parents of children who are experiencing these issues can benefit from counselling to help the coming out process.

brokeback mountain... and gay and lesbian counselling

Some things require specialised counselling. Annie Proulx commented in a question-and-answer session after a screening of Brokeback Mountain (taken from her short story set in 1963, first published in The New Yorker in 1997) —

"The story began in 1963," said a woman from the audience. "Do you think things are better now, in terms of attitudes?"

"I wish," Proulx said. "But one year after the story was published, Matthew Shepard was killed less than 48 kilometres from where I live. I was called to be on the jury for one of the killers." Source: Sydney Morning Herald

"The last two sequences of the film are two of the best scenes in American cinema in many years and, indeed, this may be the love story of its generation..." "(Ang) Lee.. allows us to understand the friendship and love that Ennis and Jack have for one another and he also allows us to understand how their behaviour affects their women..." (David Stratton, Weekend Australian, January 28-29, 2006.

"To Ennis and Jack, Brokeback Mountain is their own planet, remembered as the first and last place where they could be themselves. And the rest of their lives is a dream about the improbability of finding it again. Lee and his collaborators have tapped into Proulx's story without missing a single sad, delicate nuance." [Sandra Lee, Arts and Entertainment, Sydney Morning Herald, Thursday January 26, 2006.]

... John Howard — same sex marriage ...

Source: The Age December 22, 2005

Prime Minister John Howard has ruled out the idea of following Britain's lead in recognising officially registered unions between gay couples...

Asked if he could support gay marriage in light of Sir Elton's civil union, Mr Howard said:

"I would be opposed to it.

"I think marriage is for men and women.

"That's why we amended the Marriage Act (in August 2004)."

Mr Howard said he did not intend to show hostility or discrimination towards gay people.

"But I believe very strongly that marriage is exclusively a union for life of a man and a woman to the exclusion of others," he said.

"That's the common understanding of marriage in the Judeo-Christian tradition, and I would be opposed to the recognition of civil unions."

But Mr Howard said he supported removing other discrimination against people in same sex relationships.

Among those offering congratulations to the couple was Prime Minister Tony Blair who said:

"I wish him and David well, and all the other people exercising their rights under the civil partnerships law.

"I think it is a modern, progressive step forward for the country and I am proud we did it,'' he told reporters at his monthly news conference.

 

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Being homosexual

Most of us (I would go out on a limb here and say all of us) grow up with societal influences that are primarily heterosexist, controlling and dictating how we are in the world. Same sex issues affect all of us, not just people of different sexual preference or inclination. Demeaning one group in our society demeans us all.

We all have individual and particular sexual preferences and inclinations. If we look look at this as if on a continuum it is easier to understand that each person has their individual preferences and inclinations in their sexual choices.

Some people like to cuddle a lot, others like kissing. If I make a decision about what is 'right or wrong' about kinds of sexual preferences, that also limits me and inhibits my inclinations.

Demeaning one section of the community...

...demeans us all. For years women have known the results of being second class citizens. Homosexuals are beginning to rationalise their position as also being second class.

When a person with homosexual leaning grows up knowing they will never have the same rights as heterosexuals their self esteem can be badly affected. Seeing constant reminders of how things should be (i.e.—advertising billboards condoning only heterosexual coupling) play a great part in that section of the community finding solace in ways that are detrimental to their mental and physical health.

Being gay in a heterosexual world

Office politics:
Being asked what I happened on the weekend

Denial of partner's existence
Denying one's nearest and dearest is tantamount to treachery

Family gatherings can be an unmoving experience because a Gay or Lesbian person would never be able to participate in their own marriage and other family events.
Birthday celebrations — How can a life that is viewed dirty, ungodly, sick and depraved ever be celebrated.

Advertising:
On radio, TV, billboards, newspaper and magazines, online mostly illustrate heterosexist attitudes and values.

Advertisements mirror to society how the world is. There is very little criticism about advertising and the standards dictated by the norms they represent.

Media representations:

Film, television, music and video
Expectations

Overheard "Oh... isn't the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras just a recruitment drive... isn't that what it is?"

Prejudices:
Always being aware that homosexuality (male especially) is often mistakenly aligned with child molestation and predatory sexual behaviour.

Parent's expectations:

"Thank god Peter has a girlfriend. We thought he might be gay ." — Parents talking about their children.

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