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Resources
LINKS and Recommended Reading
References

There is nothing new under the sun. This is a part list of the references I have used in choosingchange. I have probably forgotten many books and articles that have informed me and I apologise to anyone who sees their ideas here. Please let me know if you see it and it is not credited...

Recommended Reading:

Dark Nights of the Soul
by Thomas Moore

When it comes to spiritual growth, we humans are solar-seeking beings; eager for the bright lights of clarity and the bliss of illumination. Paradoxically, we all need to walk through the shadow of the dark night in order to discover a life worth living, according to psychotherapist and spiritual commentator Thomas Moore.

Unlike depression, which is more of an emotional state, Moore calls the dark night a slow transformation process, which is fueled by a profound period of doubt, disorientation and questioning. Ultimately, a journey into the dark night will reshape the very meaning of your life. As a self-proclaimed "lunar type," Moore is comfortable leading his clients and readers into the shadows, where ambiguities and mysteries lurk around every corner. He describes the dark night journey in stages, starting with feeling distant from your life even as you continue to go through the motions.

The second phase is "liminality," meaning living on the threshold between the known self and the unknown self. This is perhaps the most uncomfortable phase as the dark night may "take you away from the cultivation and persona you have developed in your education and from family learning," he explains. After dwelling in this murky darkness, there's a stage of "re-incorporation," in which one integrates the profound inner transitions into daily life.

Like a tour guide to the underworld, Moore leads readers through all these phases, offering tools and rituals for making the journey more tolerable or at least more meaningful. He also speaks to the many arenas and stages of life in which we might find ourselves stumbling through the dark, with chapters on marriage, parenting, sexuality, creativity and health. The scope is ambitious, and at times the structure seems disjointed—but this is perhaps Moore’s best contribution since Care of the Soul, proving once again that he is a wise and formidable spiritual teacher. --Gail Hudson --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

To find out more or purchase
this book: amazon.com link...

 Dark nights of the soul: A guide to finding your way through life's ordeals

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recommended reading:

Extraordinary Relationships
by Roberta M Gilbert

This book by Roberta M Gilbert is helpful if you are wanting your relationship to be great... AND/OR if you want to relate better to anyone anyway... Murray Bowen's  Theory —

"The theory postulates two opposing life forces. One is a built in life growth force toward individuality and the differentiation of a separate   "self", and the other an equally intense emotional closeness..."
 

To find out more or purchase
this book: amazon.com link...

Roberta M Gilbert


Extraordinary Relationships: A new way of thinking about human relationships

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recommended reading:

Epistemology of the Closet
by Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick

Since the late 1980s, queer studies and theory have become vital to the intellectual life of the U.S. This has been, to no small degree, due to the popularity of Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick's critically acclaimed Epistemology of the Closet. Working from classic texts of European and American writers--including Herman Melville, Henry James, Marcel Proust, and Oscar Wilde--Sedgwick delineates a historical moment in which sexual identity became as important a demarcation of personhood as gende had been for centuries.

Epistemology of the Closet is a sometimes-dense work, but one filled with wit and empathy. Sedgwick writes with great intelligence and an eye for irony, but always makes clear that her theories and critical acumen are in the service of a politic that seeks to make the world a better and more humane place for everyone. An extraordinary book that reshapes how we think about literature, sexuality, and everyday life. --Michael Bronski

To find out more or purchase
this book: amazon.com link...

Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick

Epistemology of the Closet
(Centennial Books)

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recommended reading:

Passionate Marriage
by David M Scharnch

Schnarch says that a man is more likely to let a relationship suffer in order to hold on to his sense of self, while a woman is more apt to let her identity suffer to help strengthen it.

Schnarch gives explicit tips on how to alter this pattern, an essential step he calls "differentiation." He also explains why compromise isn't always the best route to take when conflicts arise. The couples profiled here deal with the usual suspects: uneven sexual desire and initiation, battles about oral sex, self-image problems, the "boondoggle" of trust (both of one's self and one's partner), and the specter of divorce.

Instead of focusing on each client's weaknesses, Schnarch teaches how to find inner strength and resilience that can be used to reaffirm a relationship and reignite sex. William H. Masters of Masters and Johnson fame calls this book "a classic," and no wonder. --Erica Jorgensen  

To find out more or purchase
this book: amazon.com link...

David Schnarch

Passionate Marriage:
Keeping Love and Intimacy
Alive in Committed Relationships

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References

This list is added to all the time.

 

• Bergantino, L. (1981) Psychotherapy, Insight and Style. Allyn and Bacon Inc, Boston.
   
• Bly, R. (1996) The Sibling Society. William Heinemann, Port Melbourne.
   
• Brown, G. & Moran, P. (1998) Emotion and the Etiology of Depressive Disorders. In F. Flack & J Laird (Editors) Emotions and Psychotherapy. Oxford University Press, New York.
   
• Bobes, T. &  Rothman, B. (1998) The Crowded Bed: An Effective Framework for Doing Couple Therapy. WW Norton, NewYork City.
   
• Buss, D. (2000) The Dangerous Passion: Why Jealousy is as Necessary as Love or Sex. Bloomsberry, London
   
• Cornett, C. (1995) Reclaiming the Authentic Self: Dynamic Psychotherapy for Gay Men. Jason Aronson Inc, London.
   
• Freeman, D. (1992) Multigenerational Family Therapy. The Haworth Press, New York.
   
• Foucault, M. (Trans. Hurley, R.) (1984) The Use of Pleasure: The History of Sexuality: 2. Penguin, London.
   
• Gelcer, E. & McCabe, A. & Smith-Resnick, C. (1990) Milan Family Therapy: Variant and Invariant Methods. Jason Aronson Inc, London.
   
• Halperin, D. (1995) Saint=Foucault: Towards a Gay Hagiography. Oxford University Press, New York.
  Inger, I and Inger, J. (1994) Creating an Ethical Position in Family Therapy. Karnac Books, London.
   
• Kerr, M & Bowen, M. (1988) Family Evaluation: An approach based on Bowen Theory. W.W. Norton & Company, New York.
   
• Kidman, A. (2001) From Thought to Action. Biochemical and General Services, St Leonards.
   
• Kirshenbaum, M. (1996) Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay. Penguin Books, Ringwood.
   
• Kramer, L. (1997) After the Lovedeath: Sexual Violence and the Making of Culture. University of California Press, Berkley.
   
• Kummerow, J. & Barger, N. & Kirby, L. (1997) Work Types. Warner, New York.
   
• Livia, A & Hall, K. (1997) Queerly Phased: Language, Gender and Sexuality. Oxford University Press, New York.
   
• Levinson, D. (1978) The Seasons of a Man's Life. Ballantine Books, New York.
   
• McWhirter, D. & Mattison, A. (1984) The Male Couple: How Relationships Develop. Prentice-Hall Inc, Englewwod.
   
• Miller, A. (1987) The Drama of Being a Child: The Search for the True Self. Virago Press, London.
   
• Mohr, R. (1992) Gay Ideas Outing and other Controversies. Beacon Press, Boston.
   
• Moses, A and Hawkins, R. (1982) Counselling Lesbian Woman and Gay Men. The C.V. Mosby Company, St Louis.
   
• Munroe, R. (1955) Schools of Psychoanalytical Thought. Dryden Press, New York.
   
• Nelson, J. B. (1988) The Intimate Connection. The Westminster Press, Philadelphia.
   
• Nelson, T. and Trepper, T. (Ed) (1993) 101 Interventions in Family Therapy. The Haworth Press, New York.
   
• Osborn, T. (1996) Coming Home to America. St Martin’s Press, New York.
   
• Pines, A. (1999) Falling in Love: Why We Choose the Lovers We Choose. Routledge, London.
   
• Richardson, R. (1995) Family Ties That Bind. Self Counselling Press, Bellingham.
   
• Ross, B. (1991) Remembering the Personal Past: Descriptions of Autobiographical Memory. Oxford University Press, New York.
   
• Sedgwick, E. (1990) Epistemology of the Closet. University of California Press, Berkeley.
   
• Shaddock, D. (1998) From Impasse to Intimacy: How Understanding Unconscious Needs Can Transform Relationships. Jason Aronson Inc, Northvale.
   
• Siegel, S & Lowe, E. Jr. (1995) Uncharted Lives: Understanding the Life Passages of Gay Men. A Plume Book, Penguin, New York.
   
• Skynner, R and Cleese, J. (1983) Families and How to Survive Them. Metheun, London.
   
• Schnarch, D. (1991) Constructing the Sexual Crucible. W W Norton, New York.
   
• Sullivan, A. (1995) Virtually Normal: An Argument about Homosexuality. Alfred A Knopf, New York.
   
• Weinstein, D. (Editor)(1992) Lesbians and Gay Men: Chemical Dependency Treatment Issues.
• Harrington Press, New York.
   
• Wolpert, L. (1999) Malignant Sadness: the Anatomy of Depression. Faber and Faber, London.

  
  

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