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Restoring Trust in your realtionship

An essential ingredient to being in a relationship is trust. Lack of trust makes it very difficult to form a healthy and rewarding connection. This applies to all relationships... not only our intimate connections... family business, friendships.

I like to always try to take full ownership for whatever happens to me so I ask "What can I bring to the situation?" And sometimes, "What did I bring...?"

Trust is not a gift... it is too valuable to just give it away... at the most I think we might offer an invitation to you that puts me in a place where I can allow myself to trust you. It shows you that I like you and that I am willing to open myself up to the possibility of having that kind of connection; lets me put my faith in you; so I can rely on you and feel/know that you will be there. Possibly I am safe with you????

You need to open yourself up to the possibility of trusting again, and reinforce your partner's efforts to win back your confidence. You can't punish forever, you can't be cold and distant forever, or your partner will give up trying to reconnect. (Janis Abrahams Spring "After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust when a Partner has Been Unfaithful.")

Both will want to show that you can be trusted. Behaving in a specific way will show you I am not just saying this.

You need to demonstrate to your partner through bold, concrete actions that I am committed to you, you are safe with me. (Janis Abrahams Spring "After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust when a Partner has Been Unfaithful.")

Providing this roadmap back to your heart gives your partner the "possibility" they can come back to you.. .you are open to them coming back.

Try to come to an understanding of why you do the things you do and how you operate. This quest to self-actualise is one of the most important things you can bring to any relationship.

Regularly talk with your partner or the other person or group to make sure all your ideas are known. Speaking out loud about your feelings and your desires enable others to help you fulfil your dreams. Also, if they are letting you know what they want you will be able to help them.

When I can see and hopefully understand what you are thinking/feeling I am able to connect alongside these ideas and thus share or at least discuss things with you.

If we are on the same page then a relationship can be extraordinary. If we do not share these ideas then this is probably not the place for you to be.

 

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Philip Johnson operates the choosingchange clinic at 147 King Street, Sydney CBD.
choosingchange , Counselling Sydney CBD, Relationship Psychotherapy Sydney, Smart Couples... serving the Sydney CBD and the Eastern Suburbs and North Sydney — including Surry Hills, Bondi Junction, Darling Point, Woollahra, Edgecliff, Kings Cross, Double Bay, Paddington, Paddington, Potts Point, Darlinghurst, Central, Broadway, Chippendale, Ultimo, Pyrmont, Redfern, North Sydney, Lavender Bay, McMahons Point. For more information Contact.