For all this talk about infidelity and all the pain that cheating causes couples there is a strong implication in all the records going back hundreds of years that infidelity is a bit like an integral aspect of human’s DNA.
Wherever it plays out there it is: in heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, multi-sexual relationships; marital, extramarital, arranged, open, monogamous relationships.
some kind of affairs, flings, arrangements, infidelities, double lives, extramarital and so on relationships most characterised by secrecy and broken trust, betrayal and hurt, fear and loathing.
These characteristics, in many cases, lead to the breaking apart of the original relationship and much ongoing irretrievable loss of trust and faith in self and each other. Pain and anger, trauma and hurt, despair and often the establishment or exaggeration of low self-esteem.
Ironically, an affair or an arrangement or an infidelity or sexual indiscretion, although often seen as illicit, frequently becomes the most exciting thing a partner can embark upon in their “relationshipped” life.
that this action has inspired more novels and songs and operas and stories than most subjects in literature and The Daily Telegraph or The Daily Mirror. Probably because it inspires gossip and is seen as illicit.
and is compounded where one party of the triangle is unaware of the infidelity. A man living a suburban life with wife and two children, happy, to all accounts, embarks upon an affair with a secretary and all are happy. He has a sexual liaison that is exciting.
The wife is living well, being cared for by her husband and made love to reasonably regularly. The lover is having the time of her life with the boss hoping she will get a promotion. Who is blaming or questioning or feeling anything other than happiness.
The classic is the husband giving the wife a new app for her ipad and to get it going he enters his own email address. She sits watching all his emails loading revealing an affair he has been enjoying for the past three years; and then three years before that with another woman.
This is an unhappy Christmas morning. Simply because it was a secret? Well partly the secret. Why does it have to be a secret?
Because we are all afraid that if we tell our lover what we really want it is thought there will be an objection and then a falling out and then a divorce.
is as important as the reasoning-logical aspects of the ongoing bond, however, when we fall we are not thinking with our brain. The inexorable desire to be connected will often take precedence over any reasoning.
Better to live well and follow the simple directive: Awareness is mindfulness. Simply put, the art of awareness is the art of living well. and who doesn’t want to do that? well, it is easy to say and difficult to do. The first and most important thing is to be relating well to yourself.
(see below) as it is essentially the relationship we have with ourselves that is mirrored everywhere else in our lives.
Relationships depend on resilience. The strings that bind us to each other are strong and tender. The family dynamic is a major influence on all of our connections. If these connections are not attended thay will tear and the unhappiness resulting from broken connections last a long time.