Intimacy in Relationships
Jack and Ennis Hug from Brokeback Mountain
Intimacy in relationships is usually established over a period of time I would describe as long and meaningful. Grinder, Tinder eHarmony (et al) all promise immediate hookup and ongoing connection. Far from true is that these apps keep their promises. It is true you are likely to have sex with people you meet online and even true you may even be engaging in love-making. However, it is also more-that-likely you will next see your current protagonist across a crowded (formerly smokey) barroom or dance floor and never actually meet again. There she is dancing intimately with some other fella. There he is smooth-talking some new girl.
Couple with rose
Never has so much been talk about intimacy been made. Why? Because we rarely needed to in the past. Online Dating and Online Hook-Ups necessitates the discussion because we are no longer engaging in meaningful relationships. Past experiences (pre-internet) meant we automatically engaged in wooing each other with words, song,roses and face-to-face; where the protagonists can quite quickly determine if there is/is not any real connection. Not talking about under the influence of tequila. Not talking about under the influence of MDMA.
These man made substances do stimulate the humans and do produce feelings of ecstasy which can lead to mistaking the person kissing you as that knight in shining armour or that damsel in distress we all so long to have next to us regardless of the true nature of the drug-altered person and my drug-alter perceptions.
Nightly TV advertisements and glossy magazine spreads (editorial and advertising) extol the virtues of signing up for a free week off meeting-people-online. The cocain dealer also gives prospective buyers a taste of the product in order to get the hook firmly planted. Once we are hooked we start to buy. This commercial strategy applies to any sales teams box of tricks. Car salesmen are delightful until you pass over the card and the deal is done. Real estate salesmen are smooth and charming. eHarmony offers hope on the promise of love. Then starts the sales pitch. Free for this long weekend.
Intimacy is a need born of humankind’s deep desire to hold life precious in the very hands that are limited to . We have all the promise of fulfilment mired in death. Whatever we get we won’t have it forever. Life I mean. And the divorce rate is even higher than ever. It quite possible people get married knowing that they will divorce and move onto another (better, richer, younger, sexier partner.