Less sweating over differences
There can be many things we find annoying with our partner. It can be annoying if he/she just doesn’t seem to care. Very few of us have the perfect relationship. How can we manage these expectations in a reasonable and effective manner. Partly I would suggest we must carefully examine why these things are annoying…
- Am I expecting too much from my partner?
- Do these things really impact on my life?
- What alternative action would I like to occur?
- Is my partner deliberately doing things to annoy me?
- Are the differences we have irreconcilable?
Next, it’s worth reflecting on just how much trouble is being caused by you being annoyed or frustrated. If your partner is coming home at 3am expecting you to wake up and be his/her best friend then that’s an entirely separate story. Some things are impossible to reconcile and that one is one of those. However, if the annoyances are wet towels on the floor or toothpaste tube squeezed incorrectly (there is a correct way you know) then you may be able to do something to help you both.
Keep in mind that the habits you observe are no more “right” or”wrong” than your partner’s. It’s a perspective thing. From my perspective, as anyone who knows me will say, reading a book is a far more edifying habit than keeping things tidy. That is definitely not everyone else’s belief. So how do you resolve these differences?
Wet towels on the floor beg for an agreement to always place them on the racks. If there are no racks, add some. If that doesn’t work then leave them in the corner and hide your dry ones, because that’s the next step for the person needing a dry towel… theft.
The agreement is decided in a calm and friendly manner using the Short and Sweet method outlined below. Make sure you using a calm and low tone when discussing difficult subjects and always refrain from accusing or blaming and without resentment.
Good to remember that without the partner you are living alone. What is your preference? Together and working or alone? Also good to remember you want him/her to listen.
Short and Sweet
Without respecting yourself you cannot respect the other. If you only respect yourself and not the other all your actions, thoughts and results will be entirely wrapped up in what you get. If you only respect the other you will be eventually used up and feel resentful.
Balance (as in most things) is the desired position.
Say to the other from the “I” position… in as few words as possible, sticking to one point, one subject. Simply state your case, your idea, your preference…
- I would like…
- I prefer…
- I think…
- I feel….
The second part to this “whole” is to now show how much you respect the other person…
- How do you see it?
- What do you think?
- What would you like?
- What is your preference?