Sex / Pornography Help

Internet and pornography and relationships

There are some interesting facts being discussed regarding how internet pornography is changing our relationships. Men especially are reporting a compulsion or addiction to pornography on the internet.

Also see: IS MONOGAMY FOR YOU?

The ease with which highly sexualised images are obtainable with just a few clicks of the mouse makes this an issue. Usually the images (usually viewed by men) are degrading and demeaning images of women.

…intimidated and worthless…

Women report they are feeling intimidated, worthless and powerless because they can never compete with these images. Their sexual acts with their partners are increasingly dictated by the acts seen on the screen.

Years ago we were not subjected to these influences. Pornography has always existed. It is the explicit detail and prolific nature of these images that is beginning to detrimentally change the way we see each other.

Men also often report that they cannot compete… men in pornography usually have a large penus and this is affecting their self-esteem.

…partner left to own devices…

Not only are the actual sexual practices changing (men expecting and even demanding anal sex or coming on their partner’s face) but the fact that many men are spending hours in front of their monitor masturbating alone. The partner left out of this picture wonders what they have to do to regain intimacy with the man (usually) they married or partnered up with. The left out partner has to resort to their own resources to even get any sex… a killer to intimacy in any relationship.

However, often internet and pornography are combined secretly. Many partners are not able to even identify what is wrong, except to feel or think they are no longer “attractive” or compatible with their partner. If your relationship is already foundering, pornography and the internet are like a secret affair. Usually the pornography is just one of many signs of an unhealthy relationship.

…people change in relationships…

Many men are sucked into the habit without realising the implications on their relationships. After a few years in any relationship people change. If people become unhappy with their partner’s sexual responsiveness one way of sparking a flagging sex life can legitimately be the use of toys or pornography… with your partner. Not that there is anything wrong with solo masturbation if it is additional to one-to-one sexual activity.

Compulsive internet pornographic use is signified by

• a sense of not being in control,
• thinking about going online a lot of the time,
• losing a sense of what is right and what is wrong in sexual relationships,
• letting fantasies get in the way of intimacy,
• forming inappropriate relationships online,
• lying about internet use in order to disguise your preoccupations,
• depression and loss of energy unless in front of the monitor,
• thinking about getting on line a lot of the time.

It is often the time spent online alone that gives away the pornography commitment. A quick look through the browsers history may prove that someone has been visiting sites providing images and video clips of explicit sexual activity.

Generally people are seeking relief from unhappiness or low self-esteem when they are participating in behaviour that is alienating rather than bringing together.

Early intervention through talking it over with your partner or counselling can usually alleviate the major ramifications of internet addiction.