Short and Sweet
How to have a talk with someone about a difficult subject.
Simple disagreements or misunderstandings can easily spin into protracted and difficult arguments where accusation triggers defensiveness furhter triggering resentment and further defensiveness.
The primary consideration at all times is the care you show yourself (standing up and speaking out) and care and respect you show to other (allowing the other that same kind of freedom and space you seek for yourself)s. I call this a “primary” consideration because although they are two things the two parts are really one.
Unless you can respect yourself you cannot respect the other. If you only respect yourself and not the other all your actions, thoughts and results will be entirely wrapped up in what you get. If you only respect the other you will be eventually used up and feel resentful.
Balance (as in most things) is the desired position.
Say to the other from the “I” position… in as few words as possible, sticking to one point, one subject.Simply state your case, your idea, your preference…
- I would like…
- I prefer…
- I think…
- I feel….
The second part of this “whole” is to now show how much you respect the other person…
- How do you see it?
- What do you think?
- What would you like?
- What is your preference?
The merry-go-round of defensive arguing can be short circuited with these simple steps.
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