Trust in Relationships

“I take you at your word.”

Without this understanding we are always looking over our shoulder, just to make sure we are safe… 1300 667 996.

Love makes the world go round.
Money makes the world go around.
I take you at your word.

We expect other people to take us at our word and the confidence trickster relies on us wanting to believe what we want to believe. “No your bum does not look big in that dress” is what we want to hear. When someone tells us our bum does look big (when they are being truthful) we will often say: “Oh you’re just saying that because you are angry.”

It is sometimes difficult to believe the truth even if it is staring us in the face. Police witnesses are unreliable… ten different stories from ten people. Why? Because we see what what we want to see. We believe what we want to believe.

I want to believe you are telling the truth so I do. If I can’t believe you then the world around me falls down. In order for me to take a small one room lease in a building in the city I have a 500 page document that has to be read and signed by me and a solicitor.

The Landlord and I can not make a simple agreement to exchange appartment for money without a costly and complicated lease. Because we don’t trust each other? Well, more that I can trust myself because I know I am ethical and will pay the rent… but can I trust he will honour his word? He says he is not sure about me. We don’t trust each other.

In a relationship, once trust is lost it is most difficult things to restore. Trust involves both of us trusting. If I trust you it is more likely you will trust me… until I let you down, or you let me down… and I am never sure which comes first. If I know I can let you down then I may “think” it is possible for “a person” to let another person down and that person might be you.

So… knowing I am untrustworthy leads to me thinking you might be untrustworthy. This is an intolerable position. I know I can’t be trusted equates I also know you can’t be trusted.

If I am any kind of empathic person, when I betray you or behave in a manner that is deceitful, mean spirited, nasty or just plain downright uncaring, it is likely I will believe you are doing the same thing.

Trust begins with me trusting you and acting in a way that allows you to believe me.

I take you at your word.

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1300 667 996
0448 281 251
CAPA - 32191 (Clinical Member)
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Testimonials

— I came to Phil in utter despair. My self-esteem was at rock-bottom, I'd lost control over my negative emotions, and I was inflicting emotional chaos on my loved ones. Unfortunately, through this process, I lost a significant relationship, causing a further spiral into grief and self-loathing. Phil helped talk me through the initial turmoil

Male, 30

Move Forward A man's pride often hinders him from asking, seeking or obtaining help in difficult and sometimes impossible situation's. Confidence and a sense of self can be eroded slowly and painfully without recognition until a physical reaction causes concern. This can have a incredibly negative effect on all facet's of life both professional and

Male 25

— A place we didn't want to be but very grateful we ended up at. When we went to counselling there seems very little chance for our relationship. Through the work Philip introduced to us we were able to see some of the reasons we had lost our way. Some of the concepts we were

Jacintha and Arnold

... cathartic, emotionally intense, occasionally frustrating and a beginning... I have found the last several months to be a time when I have observed more, started to recognise patterns of behaviour in myself and others, and become more aware of my reactive emotional self. Counselling has enabled me to begin to address myself on a

Female 32

It was extremely useful ... The counselling/psychotherapy support offered by Phil really helped me examine issues and change attitudes that have improved my confidence, self-esteem and happiness. It was extremely useful to have an outside person to bounce ideas and speak to about my life and experiences. I'm sure it will not be my last

Male 28
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